Sex Secrets

To begin with, I want to remind you of the differences between how men and women approach and experience sex. To set the stage, I first want to talk about “experience.”
As humans, we use our five primary senses to take in information about the world. This is called “Perception.” Most of this happens on an UNCONSCIOUS level.

We then take what we get from our senses and we process this information. We compare it to what we’ve experienced before, we classify it, we imagine it in different ways, and we have UNCONSCIOUS reactions to it.

Next, we make decisions about what we’re going to do with what we just experienced. Again, these are mostly UNCONSCIOUS. Finally, we take action on what we decided to do. You guessed it... again, mostly unconsciously.

This description is oversimplified, but I think it’s a useful model to work with here.
Basically, I believe that men and women go through these four stages a little differently. And when it comes to sex, I believe that they go through them much differently.

I mention this because most people deal with other people the way that they want to be dealt with. They communicate in ways that make sense to themselves. They usually assume that they know what’s best for others without checking first.

This only makes sense. Most people don’t walk around saying to themselves “Hmmm, I wonder if Sarah tastes the same thing as I do when she drinks coffee?” and “I wonder if water tastes exactly the same to her... or if it’s just slightly different...”
Most people have asked these questions once or twice in life, but they usually stop asking once they decide that most people have the same experiences as they do when they drink coffee, etc.

Here’s the deal: When it comes to most ‘gross’ experiences (meaning common level) like getting hit with a baseball, tasting salt, or seeing a color, we as humans usually have pretty similar experiences. But when it comes to ‘subtle’ experiences (meaning less extreme, and in this context, also more complex) people, and especially different genders, have vastly different experiences.

For instance, if you show a man and a woman a picture of a Victoria’s Secret catalogue, the man will usually notice all of the women, while the woman will notice the clothing, including the colors and the details.

Finally, the order or sequence of experiences and thoughts have a major role in the responses that men and women demonstrate. In the area of sex, men are usually pretty simple: See hot woman, get turned on and want sex. All in about 1-3 seconds. A man can be outside working on his car and see a beautiful woman out of the corner of his eye, and instantly be in the mood.

On the other hand, women are a bit more complex. Even if a woman sees a handsome man, she will RARELY get sexually turned on. The first thing that women experience when they SEE an attractive man is usually more of a curiosity or intrigue... a wanting to know more.

If a man smiles at a woman, the woman usually interprets the smile as “Hi, you look nice and friendly.” If a woman smiles at a man, the man usually interprets the smile as “I’m interested in sex.” This one difference causes many first meetings to go the wrong way.
Here’s the deal: In general, it takes women longer to get in ‘The Mood’ for sex, and it happens differently than it does for men.

As I talk about sex and how to do it better, you need to keep this in mind. Some of the things I’m going to tell you might sound like just ‘interesting’ ideas, or unusual things to do. Not so. While they may be interesting and unusual, they are all specifically to appeal to the female mind and mating preferences. 50,000 years ago women had to figure out some way to determine if a man was going to be a good provider and a loyal mate.

I believe that the concept of ‘Romance’ was that way. If a man was really interested, he would go through some demonstrations of his devotion... and be willing to wait for sex.
And so it goes. Women love things like ‘taking your time’, ‘anticipation’, ‘sensory rich experiences’, ‘romantic talk’ and ‘foreplay.’ I know, I know. We all want a woman that gets turned on by just seeing your unshaven face and dirty hair in the morning. But these are the cards we were dealt, and we might as well learn how to play them in this lifetime.